Hello,
Maybe you are familiar with this scenario:
A friend or colleague tells you about all the trouble they are having with a certain person. They are upset because of something this person did or said. They tell you it is so unfair because they did nothing to deserve it.
Now, it is almost certain that you may be inclined to sympathize with their viewpoint, after all, you are closely connected with them and you care about how they feel and like to be a "good friend" to them.
Well, lets step back and examine this situation. Is not blaming someone else for a condition the strategy of a victim? By agreeing with your friend or colleague, you effectively take their side as a victim. The real situation has not resolved, they are still stuck with it. So it becomes a stalemate. In fact, the more agreement, the more stuck they become. Now there is joint vested interest in staying "victims".
A lose / lose outcome indeed.
Now, lets examine what a winner would do. Firstly, winners realize they are responsible for their condition. They do not blame, and they actively look for ways they could make a positive out of the situation. One way would be to open honest communication with the "difficult" person and ask them what their view is. If their is too much live emotion to do that, they may ask a neutral third party to mediate. Whatever actual direction getting into communication takes, this at least opens the dialogue. By not taking sides and asking everyone to agree with their viewpoint, but engaging in positive action, there definitely is more chance of a win / win outcome.
The truth is; there are no victims, just frustrated winners pretending to be victims. Why not decide to lose the frustration and be the winner you are, no matter what?
Have an excellent week
Malcolm
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